“Forgive, and forget,” is the saying. Have you ever truly forgave that bully in the 4th grade that stole your lunch money and pushed you into the puddle? You certainly haven’t forgotten it. So how could you forgive it?
Grow up a little, and now your significant other has been caught smooching with your best friend. You certainly won’t forget that, so how on earth are you supposed to forgive that?!
The thing about forgiveness is that you don’t necessarily have to forget what they did. You’ve heard of parents, or spouses, forgiving their child’s/spouse’s murderer. How on earth do they do that? They certainly will never forget what that person had done to their family, what they had taken away from them. That memory will be vivid in their mind forever. Nothing short of electrodes in the right spot or a major brain injury will take that memory away. Will they get angry and bitter over that memory? Absolutely they will!
This is where forgiveness comes in… THEY WILL NOT DWELL ON IT.
True forgiveness happens when you realize that no matter how angry you are at that person, no matter what they did to you or your family, no amount of hate in the world is going to change them, change what happened, or make your day any easier. On the contrary, letting go of that hate and anger gives you the freedom to be happy, build new memories, move forward.
To forgive doesn’t mean that you are okay with what they did. Oh, no! What they did was inexcusable, but not unforgivable. Forgiveness is more for you than for anyone else. Living a life full of anger, hate, even feelings of low self worth from unwanted relations, is no way to live. It causes stress, anxiety, depression, and these can lead to a whole host of other things. If you can learn to let it go, whether it be through yoga, meditation, or even extensive therapy like I did, you can move forward with your life in a much more constructive, healthy manner.
You cannot change what has happened to you, or what they did to you, but… you have the wisdom to know the difference. You will not let your ex’s cheating define who you are. You will not let a rape, or a murdered family member, or a car accident, etc, define who you are. You need to let go of your anger, your self pity, your hatred towards whoever wronged you. It will only bring you down. When you can let that go and move forward with your life… then, and only then, will you have achieved forgiveness.
Is it easy to do? Of course not! If it were easy every one would do it, and this world would be such a better place! Forgiveness is divine, but not impossible.
